Caring for others

 

Caring for others

“To make a difference in someone’s life you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect.

You just have to care!”

This week is all about caring for others. When I first looked at this, I wondered what it meant. Surely caring for others benefits the receiver and this is all about positive benefits for me. But then I started to think a bit deeper. It brought me back to a Friends’ episode where Joey said to Phoebe there is no self-less good deeds. Now I am certainly not saying that is the case but Joey did have an interesting point that I hope relates to this blog. His argument was based on when you do something for someone else or care for someone else it makes you feel good too. Now I certainly don’t think this is a bad thing. In fact, this is something extremely important in terms of staying mentally well.

Now if I’m honest, it’s not something I always find easy to be there for someone else- particularly proactively. I am pretty good when it’s an emergency or something obvious but I sometimes miss everyday gestures. It’s something that I observe in others and I really do admire. I try to not be too harsh on myself and do not consider it to be selfish but if I’m honest I do think I need to be mindful about being too absorbed in my own issues. As I am writing this, I am taking time to reflect on how well I care for others. I would like to think I am extremely caring in my job and I certainly try to be there for every staff member and child. But what would my family members say? There is a part of me that would worry about the answer. I think this may be one of those topics where I take strength from others in order to self-improve.

Somebody I see as always there for other people in her professional and personal life is Miss Short. For this week, I asked her if she could write some reflections, partly to give a different perspective but also so I can learn and reflect from her thoughts. Here it is:

 

All the care in the world

Caring for others means different things to different people. Whether you’re a parent, a friend, a teacher or someone who is a carer for a living we all know someone who needs us. Personally, I love to give and it is something that brings me a great sense of happiness and satisfaction. Writing this, I have tried to reflect on what I give, to who and when and how that might impact on my own mental health.

I have always been someone that people tend to turn to. I consider myself a bit of an agony aunt and I don’t mind playing this role but how do I cope with that when lots of people might need something from me at the same time? How do I preserve my own energy so I can continue to help them? Giving my time, lending an ear or giving physically makes me feel good. I love nothing more than to bake someone a cake, bring them a little gift (my best friend has a house full of pig toys) or just to go and have a chat or solve a problem around my friend’s kitchen table. Usually, I am in a place where I can do this but sometimes I need to take a minute and check on myself before I offer to help. This always reminds me of the air hostesses on the aeroplane who do the safety talk. They tell you to help yourself with your mask and seatbelt before helping others and I think this is absolutely true. To be a good caregiver you need to look after yourself and award yourself the same amount of care that you would give to someone who needed you. Colleagues of mine may have laughed at me from time to time over my candlelit baths, weekly gifts to myself on shopping trips to Asda and cooked breakfasts in my dressing gown before work but I believe it’s so important. When we work hard we need to treat ourselves the way we treat others otherwise we won’t be in a position mentally to do so.

In our job, there are so many different elements of care giving: taking care of the children’s needs each day, making sure parents are ok when issues may arise and looking after your colleagues when they may have their own personal issues or when times in the school calendar get crazy. It can be full on having all of these people who may need you at once and that’s not even considering any family and friends outside of work. My grandma who is one of my favourite people and is now the grand old age of 97 used to say to me when I was small ‘leave people better than you found them’. I think that is something we could all strive for - showing care for others, even in the smallest of ways, can really make a difference. Smiling, asking someone if they are ok, putting a coffee on their desk or sending them a kind quote to cheer them up are simple things and may seem insignificant but make the receiver feel valued and cared for. Strengthening relationships through small acts of kindness leads to secure friendships; helps give you perspective when others are having a hard time; can create a sense of purpose and I believe most importantly…. it’s contagious. We all need someone to care for us from time to time and whether you’re the giver or the receiver both parties walk away feeling happier and as Nanna Short would say ‘leaves them better than you found them’. 

 

I read that intently and can definitely learn a lot from Nanna Short. The whole reason I write this is to make me think and hope that others do the same. I am aware that I am not (as yet) a random act of kindness kind of guy but I definitely would like to think that people know I will be there for them if they need me. I look to my relationship with my mum. I have to try really hard to make sure I show interest in her work (this is the self-absorbed bit) but I do think I am getting better. I don’t intend to appear disinterested as my mind wanders and I really do need to be mindful of this.

I’ve found myself in recent months bringing up conversations with my friends asking them about their family –again not something I see as natural. However, I do think that this proactive care is important and something I will continue to work on moving forward on the back of this blog. If I’m not careful, the intensity of pressures of my own life can stop me from seeing what’s around me and being there for other people.

 

I’ll leave you with this quote:

“Friends are really important… We help each other whenever we can, so it’s a two-way street and supporting them uplifts me.”

 

Next week, will be my last blog entry for now as I reflect on the full ten weeks of topics. If anyone would like to send some short thoughts on anything they have found thought-provoking that would be great.

 

As always:

Stay safe and be there for others