It's brave to ask for help!

 

It’s brave to ask for help



This week’s theme of asking for help is one of the most personal and also one of the most challenging for me to write. Asking for help is something I’ve really had to battle with over the years. There is no doubt that when I ask for help, I feel exposed. I have to wrestle with negative and untrue thoughts that asking for help is a sign of weakness. I also have to put aside my stubbornness and trust that asking for help is indeed actually the reverse- It’s a sign of strength and acceptance that I am more than capable but need help with certain aspects of my life.

Now I’ve started thinking of it, I think there are at least two interpretations I can take of asking for help- asking for help as a way of avoiding the issue and, asking for help when I truly need it.

These are not official definitions and are only my views based on my own reflections.

Asking for help as a way of avoiding the issue:

I often do this when I’m unsure of something- most commonly DIY. I’ll ask for help before even attempting it. Why? Is it laziness? I don’t think that would be fair as anyone who knows me wouldn’t use that adjective to describe me. So perhaps it is underlying worry of failure and not being able to do it. Or perhaps, it is a lack of patience.  In reality I would say a combination of both. I do need to guard against this however. If I ask my friends and family too often, without actually needing them, it may devalue my actual need for help at other times. I also know deep down that embracing and overcoming a challenge gives sense of satisfaction and increased self-confidence.

Asking for help when I truly need it:

I can’t honestly say I do this all the time but I can say that is what I am striving for. Really exploring a task or an issue first trying to seek solutions for myself. At that point, I need to acknowledge I may need support and, without any negative feeling, reach out to others.

When I started researching asking for help I was immediately taken to a website that listed a number of different areas of mental health:

·         Stress

·         Anxiety

·         Self Esteem

·         Relationships

·         Anger

·         Grief

·         Depression

I am not suggesting for one second I am struggling significantly in any of those areas but each of those are areas I, like many others, have had to manage and at times struggled with certain ones.

It’s at these times I need to make sure pride, a sense of failure or worry about what other people think don’t become immovable barriers that stop me getting what I need. This does not necessarily mean it needs to be support from an agency or a counsellor. I know that when I open up to a colleague at work about aspects I am finding challenging, that can immediately help. Sometimes I’m asking for something specific or sometimes the help might be someone to listen to me while I process my own feelings. Either way this is something that definitely helps.

I am also very fortunate that alongside work colleagues, I have a strong support network who will help me. Each and every one of them provide me with a different type of support and it’s up to me to know what I need and when. Some of my friends will distract while others will help me directly address any issue I may have. My mum will always offer me some practical advice and my wife will offer both emotional support and also words that I don’t always want to hear (but perhaps need to in order to move forward).

It’s my hope that other people take some time to think about what help they need and who is the best person to provide that type of support. It may well be a friend or a partner or in other situations, it could be your GP, us a school, or other agencies. Whichever avenues we go down, we know we all need help at times and I’d certainly be ignorant to think otherwise. Perhaps whilst considering and placing a microscope under my own mental health, other people can relate to some of my thoughts and reflections within the blog and take things away to apply into their own lives (That’s my main aim really!).

The best sort of help comes from me. Helping myself! But sometimes I need a bit of a prod or listening ear from others to make this happen!

 

As always, stay safe and I will leave you with this quote:

“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need

 help and brave enough to ask for it.”

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